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By janet, Jul 1 2018 11:44AM

It always interests me to see what story will come from me next….

I post here either to mark something in some way or in support of your awakening too.

However, this is one that I certainly didn’t see coming in my late 50’s but oh god how grateful I am that it is, finally I am home.

Here is a shortened version of what I mean by that within my own awakening process - in this moment.


As a very small child I saw Spirit (energy of those who have died in physical form) and generally that was ok, but sometimes it was terrifying, and I recall blocking many times what I saw or heard because of that huge fear.

I was very young and didn’t discuss how to do this, it wasn’t selective, so all was blocked at that time including no doubt many magickal things too.


I dabbled with friends in spiritual play during my teens, but again fear would arise, and I would back away quickly, no doubt recalling my previous experiences.

In early adult years I attended various Spiritual meetings & circles, some of which were held at the Bolton Hotel here in Brixham. I caught the attention of and was taken under the wing of Ethel Wilkins, a local woman and Clairvoyant. I was invited to visit her house weekly for 1 – 1 tutoring, she was quite a force and later I discovered she founded Brixham United Spiritualist Church.


Jump to my late 30’s and 40’s I was still attending open and then closed circles, needing to be in an understanding environment to find somewhere which supported how I was, however briefly or inadequately it was felt at that time.

And yet also again alongside the needing to know, to learn and acknowledge and be acknowledged as “gifted” or special in some way, another pattern continued to grow. It was evident whilst I trained for Cruse (bereavement counselling) that it was not appropriate that I see the dead and share what I saw from psychic perspective in any way, therefore any previous block to it I had put in place was reinforced.

Again, later in Psychotherapy training it appeared to “get in the way”, in fact I felt to be overwhelmed and did indeed experience a break down (break through) during this 4-year training and so all abilities were “switched off”.


Without deeply questioning why at that time, I continued searching, I became ordained as a Christian Spiritualist Minister, I moved through healing modalities to include training in Spiritualist Healing / Counselling, Reiki, Shamanism and moved into Paganism and Witchcraft, all of which I felt at home with, comfortable with and met to a certain extent…. Healing was continually taking place within my mind and body with each and yet I was still searching, still seeking.


The pain of this I feel whilst writing these words, grief has been moving through me since a full realisation a few days ago. And yet on reflection, it has been a slow dawning during conversations with a dear friend and a question he was bound to ask me.

From this question I began to see that without realising, without knowing any consequence of my actions, I had disowned my own amazing abilities and placed them into my Shadow Self, judging them and not accepting them as a loveable part of my character. And reinforcing this, each time they were suggested to be unacceptable, inappropriate or unhelpful in some way.


A belief I had at that time was seen and fully accepted, that these beautiful gifts might repel prospective clients who wish to work with me in Counselling, seeing them as something almost repellent within me and yet in fact I denied not only myself but those who I may have served if I had worked from being as I already am.

This repulsion, born from misunderstanding and deep fear was my own, which was then simply projected out onto the world surrounding me.


I had completely denied what and who I was from such a small age and now I am honouring all of that here. And within this deep grief I also see deep, deep sparks of excitement beginning to flutter around. I have no idea what’s next, but I know that is has magick in it and it always did.


Now, there no denying that within my Self Enquiry what has been found. A diamond, multifaceted, buried so deeply it has taken years of searching to find and how it shines!

The brightness is here patterns will continue to dissolve as they are seen and right now there is no fighting, no hiding can occur, there is simply love.


Yes, I feel fear moving through me at times, at many things. Also, I see the resentment I have felt move through my body over the years without realising why. How I have re-acted with those around me and I feel a deep sadness move through me to see that now. I say please forgive me as I am forgiving myself.

I’m aware of fear at what I may see as I open my eyes widely and fully but I’m not a small child, and in opening I know that I am also only ever held with unconditional love. I welcome the fear and anything else which arises in my body now, fully to be finally met with love and my own acceptance.

The fear will pass as it always does, the grief will lessen and yet I don’t wish it to be gone. Because in all of that passing though my body, again it will be honoured as any doubt also leaves.


There is one thing I am sure of and that is, within this continued evolving, unfolding of who I am. I continually see opportunity which life brings and gives so easily. To be knowing of who you are, to be fully loved, fully accepted as you are right now.

All else is madness, as I read my own words here I see the madness of Self denial so clearly and without blame and yet when it is happening to you rarely is it seen with such clarity during that time.


My hope is, that in sharing this story, it moves something to shift within you. So that you continually question your own self love and acceptance.


I thought to have understood the following beautiful quote, but the full understanding came during that very same conversation, where I could clearly see how I had been knocking & banging from within to be let out of the prison I had created.

But I recalled the words from within my own rising grief….

“I have lived on the lip

of insanity, wanting to know reasons,

knocking on a door. It opens.

I've been knocking from the inside.”

~ Rumi


I am in the process of creating a new website to showcase who I am and what I offer and to inform those who may require my support or guidance.

My way of working is yet to be clearly defined as such – however I will be offering Spiritual Mentoring / Psychic Guidance Readings which may or may not include mediumship - It will be as it unfolds.

I will also still be working as I have been in offering Self Enquiry / Direct experience with BodyWork.

I see how this works beautifully together, with amazing effect for Clients more recently.

I’m excited to see what comes next with my work and whatever it is that I am here to offer.

Such joy at last to feel free, to finally BE


If we have worked together or if you would simply like to comment and your words to be used somewhere in support of my work then please get in touch, feel free to comment below or message me.


If you feel moved to work with me in some way, whether it be in collaboration in some way or if you require my supportive guidance then please take courage from these words and just message me.

By janet, Dec 2 2016 02:35PM

Over the past few days I have been (initially unwillingly) re-learning about "warm", what that might mean without usual assumptions and what it is like to not experience warm/warmth/heat in the usual generous way such as with central heating and almost immediate hot water allow..

And then moving deeper from that outer body layer (which of course seeps as cold does) into layers some kind of perceived "lack" of something regarding others, "my" needs not being met in some way I feel they "should" be or not being "treated" kindly ... and then most importantly "lack" of warmth with mySelf.

Witnessing a lack of Self kindness and in fact a coolness not noticed before openly, which then can be met and known, to then allow a beautiful compassion to move into those places once so chilled.

Perhaps only when you are "out in the cold" will you find these treasure chests of beautiful truth. Because when we are all warm and cosy why would we search for such things in the depth of perceived cold?

Indeed why would we search at all when they are not visible and because of that very fact may remain on ice.........

Always check your projections........ whatever it is you are accusing them of in some way, how might that be playing out something you are already doing to yourSelf in some way?

image courtesy of

By janet, Oct 16 2016 03:08PM

In the ocean of your own emotion

Learn to swim amongst the waves

Learn to navigate, so that when a wave which looks to drown you comes

allow YourSelf to move with it and not against it

If you need drown for a moment,

know what it feels like to drown

So that another time when you think you are drowning you know......

that this is not it, you have been in that state

Get to know this

When you feel as if the wave will toss you,

being pulled from limb to limb... be the one to catch Yourself when you eventually drop

Re-member this within

For another time when you feel in the pit of that stomach you feed,

a swirling of fear in what is to come

that this is not it, you have been in that state

Get to know this

Move through your emotions, slowly take your time

Don’t try to control them, never let this mind

Just move, through however long it may take

Time is of no consequence when you are in this place

And once felt, one lived and then once died to this...

another form of you will evolve, a more knowing of this ..... form of you

But re-member where you were and where you are right now

For when you fall again, when you believe yourself to be drowning ....again

That this is not it, you have been in that state

Get to know this

And that soon calm will also come

By janet, Oct 7 2016 07:20PM

It’s hard to put into words... how it feels to be entrusted, to hold space for someone who barely knows who I really am at all, and yet shares the deepest parts of themselves with me in that space.

To speak of things that they had as yet not dared say out loud, for fear of being punished, ridiculed, and abandoned or in their eyes something far worse. And yet share they will and I listen, feeling the humility of who and what I am within this space as a simple witness to the truth taking place. The beautiful unravelling of a Soul caught in time somewhere, stuck in a place not known as yet...... but soon to be discovered and freed in some way.

A shift into another time, the present and to be met by my enquiring voice with compassion and equal measure of truth. No judgement, no critique no question or accusation but a natural curiosity for this ... whatever this is taking place right now in this space, right here with me in this space now.

To know that whatever happened and whenever it was. That in this space, right here and right now... there is an Ok’ness. A safely is found and old barriers formed within their barren world can now make way for clear and strong boundaries as the barriers come tumbling down. Torn down in some cases to allow the beautiful light of truth and presence to shine in at last.

I am honoured, so deeply honoured to be enabled to carry out the “work” that I do. Being present with another, to listen to their truth and to support them to tell their story so that at last it may rest where it belongs in the past and to feel the burden of it to carry no more.

Freedom - we will move together towards a continued freedom. Enabled to love, supported to live a full and rich life from this time forward.

Ultimately what I “do”, what I offer involves one being honoured and one feeling honoured to have witnessed a being.

By janet, May 3 2016 12:53PM

Sitting with Self.

Noticing the inner of you.

Like a landscape only familiar somehow, at times nothingness and then thought may appear as a tree

or a bush... some grass and then barren land again and then for a while.....peace.

A mirage of thoughts from thinking mind to distract you from Being in this place fully and then realisation of that moves them on. Almost as if the wind brushes across the landscape taking thoughts with it and then.......that knowing.

Of a depth, real depth appears.....out of the “blue” as your stomach lurches in recognition of this ..

Fear of this unexpected drop into the deep, dark pool suddenly before you.

Will you allow YourSelf to fall, do you fall?....

There is no control here within this unknown and then the moment is passed and a feeling of loss at not having “fallen into” the nothingness of depth, to be lost and know how that particular “lost” feels.. after a lifetime of other.. losses and yet a difference in fear.

Knowing, in truth that you can never now really be lost again.

Back to thought and to meet a realisation of how much a strong mind will manipulate where possible,

for “your safety”.

Smile with that - love that.

As it is something which you have created but at the same time Re-Mind YourSelf... YOU created it and therefore YOU are in control and when ready you will allow YourSelf to surrender into that deep pool of “unknown”.

A deeper knowing.... completely safe, completely all there is.

BE YOU Beautifully!